When things go wrong, they go very wrong
by BitterKanda
Summary: "I need you to delete it." Lavi stated, he did not ask. "I don't know what you are talking about." Now we all know how bad a liar Kanda is, and he knows it too, he's just having all the fun in breaking Lavi's poor lil heart and that's just not good, not good at all. He knows exactly what Lavi's talking about, he's just being a dick. Talking about dicks…


College/Snapchat AU, LaviYuu, completely ridiculous  
Heavy sexual content, throughout the entire fic  
Cracky/little out of character  
Pls don't take it seriously I had fun with this

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Lavi was tapping the desk with his pencil anxiously, his foot shaking, and his eyes darting from the desk to the door to the clock and back. Usually Lavi prides himself in his ability to keep calm but circumstances are circumstances and right now he is not calm, he is very far from calm, calm is not even tangible, it is a figment of his imagination he cannot hope to be able to reach in the time it takes for class to start and for _someone_ to walk through the doors. The good thing is that Kanda is never late, and Kanda never misses a class. Now, because circumstances _are_ circumstances, Kanda might think it a good idea to take a sick day, but thank god he doesn't consider Lavi a good enough reason to skip class, so he's probably safe. So here Lavi is waiting patiently as humanly possible, or as possible as one can when your life lies in the hands of a crazed long haired sadist who already hates you and wouldn't think twice to destroy you... yeah patient.

His heart all but jumped out of his chest when he caught the said long haired sadist walking through the classroom doors and towards him. Lavi doesn't usually sit in the seat next to Kanda but, again, circumstances. Kanda gave him a confused look for just a second but Lavi is pretty sure he can smell fear and Kanda made direct eye contact and looked as smug as he has ever looked in his entire life, and he's got the smug look locked down. That's it, Lavi is ruined and will _never_ be able to recover. Kanda took his seat next to the wall and carelessly put his bag on the table and calmly sat down on the chair. He was doing his regular routine, pulling his spiral out, along with his textbook, and his little pencil case filled with varying colors of pens that are all half filled with ink because he uses them way too much to doodle. He didn't so much as look his way. Now, Lavi was already a wreck but now his heart was ready to crawl out his throat and say its goodbyes to Lavi before he dies from the blood loss.

'_Ok, Kanda is a sensible man, he wouldn't do something as bad as ruin your reputation and make you a laughing stock for the entire world just because you sometimes annoy him right?_' Lavi tried to convince himself in his head before he turns towards Kanda.

"I need you to delete it."

"I don't know what you are talking about." Now we all know how bad a liar Kanda is, and he knows it too, he's just having all the fun in breaking Lavi's poor lil heart and that's just not good, not good at all. He knows exactly what Lavi's talking about, he's just being a dick. Talking about dicks…

"It wasn't meant to go to you…"

"I am fully aware of that, you spent a great deal explaining it to me last night."

"It's a snapchat! You're not supposed to save it anyway! I know you took a screenshot of it, delete it dear god Yu!" Lavi got shushed by a fellow student because the teacher was indeed teaching, as class did indeed start about 5 minutes ago. But class was the last thing he could focus on. Now if he could just get his hands on Kanda's phone everything will be good. He knew his password already, not because Kanda told him of course but because he unlocked it in front of him once and he pretty much got the pattern down. Kanda did take out his phone and Lavi was ready to go for it but then he realized he changed the passcode. It wasn't a pattern anymore it was an _actual_ password. And he didn't even see him type it out from the beginning. '_Shit_…' Kanda must had known that Lavi knew his password, he is really pulling out on all the stops now huh.

"Ok, I get it, you want me to stew a bit, but I know you're not as terrible as you want people to believe so please delete it. I promise it won't happen again."

"I hope you realize that _no one_ wants to receive a dick pic from you, and I can't believe that you sent it to me." Kanda's voice held an air of amusement so Lavi had hope that he would show mercy on him and just delete the fucking picture already.

"Your usernames were similar and I was drunk ok please don't do this to me." Now Lavi wasn't fond of having to resort to pouting, but really, nothing was beneath Lavi. It was a funny story after all, well maybe after a couple of years, a couple of drinks, and the humiliation wears off then yeah, funny. They didn't even know each other that well. They knew each other vaguely through mutual friends but they never so much as had a class together before this semester. He usually sat two rows behind Kanda but one day Lavi forgot to charge his phone and he decided to take the seat that was closest to the outlet. This seat just so happened to be Kanda's and Kanda is not someone who likes change or when people take his unofficially assigned seat. To Kanda's misfortune, Lavi is not someone who takes no for an answer so after fighting over the seat for about 15 minutes and the professor threatening to kick them both out, they settled for Lavi taking the seat next to Kanda, so he could at least reach over if he needed his phone and Kanda got to keep his seat.

This happened a couple of times, where Lavi needed to charge his phone or he needed to use his laptop that lasted 20 minutes without being on the charger, but mostly he had fun annoying him because he just made it so easy. The only reason he even added him on snapchat was because he wouldn't give him his phone number but Lavi happened to see his username one day and added him without his permission. Mostly so he could ask him class related stuff, like what happened in class the day he was absent, because he's absent a lot. Now they weren't the best of friends, if friends at all, but Lavi occasionally messaged him so Kanda didn't think twice when he opened a _very_ unexpected snapchat from the boy. Lavi didn't notice his mistake when it occurred, he thought he sent it to this girl that he had added a couple of days prior who was very privy to the whole nudes business and Lavi was drunk enough to go _fuck it_. The lesson here kids is: never think anything is a good idea when you're drunk, because it will not be. It wasn't until he got the notification that someone took a screen caption of his snap this he realize the error in his ways. Instead of sending it to 'kandygurl69' he sent it to 'kandayuu66'. Lavi's little drunken haze couldn't make the difference and he was just about to kill himself that night after repeatedly telling Kanda it was an accident and to delete the picture.

Lavi felt very defeated by how amused Kanda was about the whole situation, Lavi had a major hangover still and was not in the mood to play games. But class was almost over and then he would be free to harass Kanda more because the professor almost kicked him out after the third time he tried to take Kanda's phone. The professor let out the class and gave Lavi a weak glare as he walked out chasing Kanda.

"Ok ok, it's so funny. Ha ha man good time, good time, how about you show me the picture on your phone now?"

"No, you almost threw my phone across the room trying to take it from me, you're not touching my phone."

"I won't touch it then! Just delete it!"

"I can't I need it."

"What do you need a picture of my dick for, are you into that?"

"No… it's my leverage." Kanda replied and started walking towards his car again. Lavi was very aware of what Kanda was capable of and was not looking forward to anything that he needed leverage on.

"Alright, you got me, what do you want from me?" Lavi tried to sound defeated, hoping that Kanda would feel sorry for his poor soul. Kanda turned around to face him and thought for a bit.

"A couple things," Kanda hushed Lavi's groan and continued, "One, stop messaging me for homework and shit, you have friends for that."

"But you are my-"

"Stop. Two, no more sitting in my seat, go back to where you were siting before." Lavi groaned again and Kanda gave him a look that shut him up real quick, "Three…I don't know about three but I will defiantly think of something." Lavi was actually surprised by these conditions, they were simple enough, he was right in thinking that Kanda would have mercy for him.

"Oh that's simple enough, I can do that. Will you delete the picture then?"

"No."

"What? Then why would I do what you say?"

"So I don't accidentally post the picture around the campus." Lavi's heart dropped for the third time today and he watched Kanda arrogantly get into his car and drive away with all his self-respect and dignity.

"Fuck…" Lavi said to himself as he rubbed his temples to try and get rid of the growing headache he was having.

If Kanda had to be honest with himself he was very amused with how desperate Lavi was acting about the whole situation. He knew that Lavi wouldn't completely stop interacting with him, but now he could ask Lavi to do anything and he would. He wouldn't say he was blackmailing him, but… he was blackmailing him. He got Lavi to buy his lunch, clean his car, write an essay for him for a shit class, and basically everything. It's not entirely Kanda's fault, if Lavi would stop following him around then he wouldn't ask this much of him. Kanda is just waiting until he tires himself out, he doesn't really plan on spreading around the photo but he doesn't plan on letting Lavi in on that.

Ironically, the whole even caused them to start interacting more and more and outside of class. Kanda wasn't sure how he felt about the development but he got free stuff out of it so he was willing to tolerate it for now. Even though Kanda had told him not to message him anymore he still did, part of Kanda started believing that Lavi knew he wasn't going to do anything bad with the picture but if he believed that, then why does Lavi follow him around and do what he asks? And that wasn't something that he wanted to think about too much. So he conveniently ignored the thought.

Kanda used snapchat a lot to talk to, well anyone who actually wanted to talk to him, (which used to be two, but has gone up to three, and two was already too much) because he could open it and never respond on the grounds that he forgot what it said so he didn't know what to reply with. Lavi used it because he liked to take really awful pictures of himself and send it to everyone in his contacts. Which was quite often actually.

Lavi had a knack of being able to get Kanda to leave his apartment, which is not an easy feat. He pats himself on the back every time he is successful. However, even though they did share a class, their schedules clashed for everything. Which is why Kanda is drinking alone in his apartment instead of with some idiot loser who is much better drunk than sober. Lavi apparently had a test for a class tomorrow so he didn't want to have a hangover for it so he passed on Kanda's offer to come over. It's not too late, only 9pm but Kanda already drank enough to where he wasn't sure what letters he was typing anymore. Lavi kept on talking about boing stuff like this girl that kept hitting on him on the bus ride home and how phenomenal the brownies he made were. So he decided not to respond until he actually said something worth responding to. He brought the remainder of his beer into his room with him and decided he'd either drink it all or pass out trying, but at least he'll pass out on his bed.

Kanda was in the middle of changing when Lavi messaged again, getting into his sleepwear which consisted of a white tank top and a pair of old sweatpants.

"_And now ur not responding to me again why u be like that"_ Lavi sent to him and decided now was ok to message him back. He stood in front of his door mirror and took a picture of himself with the middle finger covering his face.

"_because ur boring as fuck"_ Kanda could literally hear him pouting through the phone.

"_wow ur lookin hot, u plannin on going out w/ that outfit on?"_ Lavi had replied sarcastically and maybe it was the alcohol taking over but Kanda was feeling a little bit bold and a lot bit drunk so inhibition went out the window. Still in front of the mirror, he took another picture with his pants noticeably lower and his shirt pulled up halfway with his thumb.

"_does this make up for the nude?"_ the caption said, and it caught Lavi off guard so bad he almost fell out of his desk chair. Lavi had all the intention of screenshotting that snap but while he had a near death experience almost falling out of his chair he accidentally dropped his phone and by the time he picked it up the time for the snap was over. Lavi cursed to himself but nonchalantly messaged him back, trying to not make it obvious how hot and bothered he was getting.

"_I sent u a full dick pic and u sent me that?"_ Kanda snorted lowly when he opened the message and walked over to his bed and his alcohol to take another large swig from it. He layed down and responded quickly.

"_yeah bc im not stupid, im not taking a dick pic"_ Now Lavi wasn't expecting him to but Kanda was drunk and he seemed a little bit willing for something and Lavi was all over this opportunity.

"_ur nudes are weak u have to step up ur game"_ Now Kanda was feeling like he was being challenged and so he decided that he would step up his nude game. We went back to the wall mirror and tried various different poses and realized that yes, his game was weak, but in his defense he did not get shitfaced drunk and send nudes to people often, or at all. Kanda finally decided what to do and took off his shirt and his pants and took the picture with his back faced towards the mirror making sure the phone covered his face. And god damn did he look sexy.

"_u know my offer for drinks still stands."_ That was the photo that he finally screenshot and Lavi was out the door and towards Kanda's apartment in three seconds flat. Now Kanda wasn't completely naked, he still had his underwear on, but it was naked enough for him. He borrowed the keys to his roommate's car without telling him, this would be fourth time he'd done this but at least he left a note this time.

Kanda didn't notice the notification of the screencap till Lavi was well on his way. He angrily and continuously messaged him telling him that he'd better delete it, but Lavi was driving, so of course he wouldn't look at his phone, also he was very much focused on getting to Kanda's apartment as soon as possible. He didn't open the messaged till he got to the building and then he pretended that he didn't see them and went up to his room anyway. Lavi smiled widely when Kanda opened the door, sadly he had his clothes back on but that was to be expected.

"Delete it." Just like Kanda, straight to the point as always. Lavi just simply let himself in and sat himself on the couch in the living room.

"So where is the beer?" he asked turning his head around to face Kanda, who was still angry.

"Delete the picture you took!"

"I'll delete yours if you delete mine!" Kanda growled at him and walked away and into his room, Lavi followed. Lavi walked in as Kanda opened yet another drink and gulped it down.

"Woah man chill, how many did you drink."

"Enough!" Kanda said rough enough to cause himself to fall onto the bed. Well, Kanda was wasted so maybe he could get away with the picture. Lavi was about to bring it up again but then Kanda cut him off.

"Fine you can keep it, I don't care." Kanda said rolling onto his back on the bed lazily and tiredly, "it's the closest you're ever going to get to seeing me naked anyway." Now Kanda was just toying with him, but Lavi wasn't against playing this game.

"Naw, that's not true, I'm pretty sure I could get you naked." Lavi sat himself onto the bed as well, on the opposite side of where Kanda was rolling around. Kanda lifted his head up to face him.

"Is that a bet?" Lavi laughed and agreed, "Then what is the wager?" Kanda sat up and scooted himself closer to him to where he could clearly smell the alcohol on his breath, reminding him that yes, he was still entirely sober.

"If I do you have to delete the picture you have of me." Kanda stared at him a while, a little shaky due to intoxication but still contemplative.

"And what if you don't?"

"Then you keep the picture."

"That's a lame bet," Kanda close to yelled and leaned over to grab the beer he opened and drank what was left "If you don't then you delete mine, that's fair enough." He shook the can to make sure it was empty before he tossed it towards the small trash can in the corner of his room and missed. Kanda shrugged it off and faced Lavi once more. Quickly Lavi grabbed the last beer in the room and drank as much as he could in one go before he grabbed Kanda and forcefully started to make out with him.

It was kinda gross, Kanda smelled heavily of alcohol and he was very sloppy and Lavi was a little too sober to be making out with someone so out of it. Lavi had to stop mid make out to drink the rest of that last beer as fast as he could with Kanda nipping at his neck. Did he realize that this would mean he was going to lose the bet? Well Lavi wasn't going to think too hard about it and resumed make out position.

As the making out commenced Lavi took it upon himself to try to take of Kanda's shirt, he started to slowly make his hand up his stomach, pressing and gripping all the way up. Kanda considered this pace too slow so he tried to hurry things up by trying to take Lavi's shirt off, but only helps in getting him tangled and makes almost a giggle, if one could call it that, when Lavi struggles to be released from his shirt. Lavi had pulled away to take it off and Kanda quickly pulled him back and just as quickly smashed their lips together. Lavi had soon realized that he wasn't going to get out of this mess in one piece if Kanda had any say in the matter with the way he was biting on literally every body part he could get his teeth on. And while he was biting on his lips he was also taking off Lavi's pants a lot faster than Lavi would have expected. He tried to take off Kanda's shirt but then he felt Kanda palm him through his definitely manly, brightly colored boxers, so instead he took to kissing a little harder and pulling him a little closer.

Kanda's leg rubs up his thigh and he found it oh so very sexy and so he just moans and kisses even more fiercely. Kanda manages to get his boxers down too and wastes absolutely no time fooling around and begins to pump his erection to life while putting his arm around his neck to pull him closer into their kiss. Lavi then decides he needs to take off Kanda's pants as well and tries to do so while not breaking the kiss but he manages, to more or less, be kicked in the balls while Kanda is trying to take them off. Lavi breaks away from the kiss to groan into the pillow and Kanda does actually laugh and resumes to biting at Lavi's neck and ear after he finished throwing his pants across the room.

Lavi was convinced that this was the end, that fucking Kanda would be the death of him, but Kanda was still kissing and biting and had ran his hands up and down his back so softly that Lavi thought that there probably wasn't a better way to go than this. So he picked up his head and decided to go for his neck and give him as many hickies as he deemed necessary as he brought his hands down to Kanda's legs to spread them apart.

"Do you like, have any stuff?" Lavi asked quietly, his face still in the junction of Kanda's neck.

"Can you not say condom? How old are you?"

"Well that, and other stuff…"

"Dear god." Kanda muttered to himself while he turns to get it himself but nocked everything down that was on his night stand because he did not maintain as good hand-eye coordination as he did when he was sober so he pulls away completely in order to actually find what he was looking for. Lavi takes that time to truly admire his ass because he's bent over the bed to get the lube off the floor. Lavi probably could have just gotten it himself because drunk Kanda was making it a lot harder to get things going, but he was not complaining about the view.

Kanda finally came back and threw it at Lavi, while he fumbled to catch it, Kanda began to lie back down and had spread his legs out making himself quite comfortable. Lavi was very _very_ surprised by his lack of inhibition but just blamed it on the alcohol and positioned himself closer to him. With Kanda wrapping his legs around him and pulling him in closer he bent down and started kissing him again, he opened the container of lube and managed to get it mostly on his hand and only partly onto Kanda's stomach.

Kanda started to breathe heavily into the kiss when he had put in the first finger and began to rock into it while he brought his hand down to stroke himself. And if Lavi hadn't lost it already he lost it then, Kanda kept is hand in his hair and had to keep breaking away from their kiss to moan softly or take in a heavy breath of air.

"Are you ready yet?" Lavi had asked as he grew even more turned on and impatient even though he had barely put in a second finger. Kanda just moaned and kissed him messily and Lavi couldn't take that any other way than a yes. Him taking out his fingers caused Kanda to groan lowly and dig his nail deeply into Lavi's back while he positioned himself for the actual fucking. Kanda kept his hand down his back and continuously clawed him in anticipation, which made it a little difficult for him to concentrate on finding where the condom went and then actually putting it on, Kanda propped himself up on his elbow and watched as Lavi entered him slowly.

Lavi paused when he was all the way in but Kanda kept clawing his back so Lavi took it as a sign to _go go go_ so he _went went went_. Once we started trusting Kanda fell back onto the pillows and moaned and gripped onto the sheets, which Lavi was very thankful of them not being attached to his back any longer. They were both breathing hard and while Kanda arched his back he managed to smack his head into the headboard with a loud thump. Lavi didn't have the time to neither laugh or stop trusting before shut him up but his hand and growl out a 'don't stop'. So he didn't stop, and Kanda lowered himself to where his head was on the pillow and not against the headboard.

Kanda's small head injure was completely forgotten when Kanda started to moan quietly instead of simply breathing heavily, and watching Kanda almost pushed Lavi over the edge so he decided he needed to push Kanda first and started pumping him in time with his trusts. Kanda exhaled sharply and put one of his hands on his lower stomach and pulled his shirt up to reveal more of his stomach. Which was sexy and all but Kanda kept kicking him in the back with his legs over his shoulders so Lavi shoved them off and Kanda growled loudly and squeezed his hips with his thighs in retaliation. Lavi laughed breathlessly while trusting more erratically.

Kanda started to breathe more heavily and closed his eyes while getting up on one elbow and pulling and gripping Lavi's hair roughly. Lavi brought down his head to kiss him but it turned out more like rough smashing together of their faces rather than any actually kissing.

"Oh fuck I'm coming." Kanda dropped onto the bed again and breathed out, and it took all of Lavi's will power not to come before him. He began to moan loudly and biting out broken words that vaguely sounded like 'Lavi' and 'fuck' before he came into Lavi's hand that was indeed still there even though it was barely even doing anything at that point. Lavi finished soon after repeating 'fuckfuckfuckfuck' and digging his nails into Kanda's thigh. Kanda had his eyes closed and Lavi tried completely crush Kanda underneath him while trying to determine if he had fallen asleep or not.

"Did you fall asleep?" Lavi whispered and Kanda hit him across the head in no time flat.

"No you dipshit, get off of me." Lavi did as he was told and slid off to the side as Kanda turned away from him and buried his face into the pillow. Now Lavi was sure he had fallen asleep so he smiled and kissed his shoulder and went to sleep himself.

When Lavi woke up Kanda was still out cold, he even tried to shake him awake but he was definitely out. He decided to leave him be and rolled out of bed and walked to the mirror he had in his room to inspect the damage taken over night. If he hadn't known better he would have thought he was mauled by a bear last night, which is actually not that far from the truth. There were claw marks all over his body, even in places he wasn't aware Kanda was touching him. His lips were bruised along with the majority of his neck, also there was a good amount of dried blood on his back that didn't really hurt until he saw it in the mirror.

He had never been in Kanda's house before, at least not longer than a few minutes because he would soon be thrown outside since he was never once invited in. After exploring the place and trying to find some kind of Neosporin (because he was pretty sure this looked infected) he decided to be a nice bedparterforthenight and make Kanda some breakfast. Lavi wasn't quite sure what he eats for breakfast since he never decided it was important enough to reveal this crucial bit of information so he decided on pancakes. They were plain enough for Kanda right?

Lavi had heard faint curses and things falling from across the apartment and assumed Kanda had finally awoken. He was about to go retrieve him but Kanda was already out of the room and walking towards the kitchen area. Lavi _might_ have made a huge mess in the kitchen but Kanda didn't notice considering that he looked like death and wasn't in the right mindset to kick Lavi's ass out of his apartment. So Lavi carefully led him to the table where there wasn't a giant splatter of batter on the wall. He had to keep him from falling back to sleep when he sat down on the chair by slapping his cheeks a little bit and placing the plate of pancakes in front of him.

If Lavi looked like shit when he woke up then Kanda was a whole new level of shitty. Lavi didn't drink enough the night before to get a hangover but he was pretty sure Kanda drank over a whole case of beer and it was definitely showing now. Kanda put his elbows on the table and held his head in his hand and Lavi tried to make as little noise as possible. Lavi took this time to fully account the damage that had been taken, such as his ungroomed hair, bruises and bite marks running up his arms and neck, blood under his fingernails from when he ripped off the majority of Lavi's skin on his back. They both sat there in silence until Lavi got too bored and started talking as low as he could as to not aggravate Kanda's hangover too much.

"How are you feeling?" Lavi asked and waited for a reply but got none. Kanda hadn't moved for a good five minutes and he was beginning to get worried.

"Do you even remember what happened last night?" Again there was no reply, "I still have that picture of you on my phone."

"Delete it right now." Kanda reacted without missing a beat.

"I knew you were listening, and you said I could keep it."

"Why would I say that?"

"You said it would be the closest I would get to seeing you naked, you also said that if I did manage to get you naked then you would delete the picture you had of me." Lavi was grinning cheekily while Kanda made eye-contact for the first time of the day.

"And I was right."

"Naw I'm pretty sure I won that bet."

"I'm pretty sure that I wasn't completely naked." Lavi opened his mouth, closed it, and opened it again before Kanda continued, "So I won. Now you have to delete my picture and I get to keep yours."

"Woah woah woah, all you had on was a shirt, that's basically naked, you can't say that's not naked."

"Yes I can, I wasn't naked, I won." Lavi was about to argue with him further but Kanda cut him off, "Didn't you say you had a test today for class why are you still here?"

"Shit…" Lavi replied, eyes wide as he checked the time on his phone, "Don't think im done talking about this Yu, I'll definitely will be coming back."

"Don't come back." Kanda yelled as Lavi ran towards the door and rushed to put on his shoes and find where he left his car keys. Lavi yelled a quick 'love yu!' and got out quickly enough that the plate of pancakes hit the door instead of him.

* * *

Note: This is very cracky, very stupid, and not meant to be taken seriously. I tried to make the sex bit as stupid as possible with a lot of fumbling and just stupidness because I think it's cute.

Also i did not edit this so there are probably mistakes so bare with me it was late when i wrote this.

This was first posted on my -man scenario blog on tumblr so if you want to check it out it's called 'imaginedgm'


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